When Aron and I got married we were kids. We were so young and had no clue what life was like outside the family units our parents created. We were sheltered and had done a good job keeping our heads down. So, It wasn’t until we were 5 years married that we truly realized what it meant to walk before the Lord honorably, to be responsible, or to put our family above all else. We had waisted years it felt like, but we were only 24 and 28. Thankfully still young enough to make the changes necessary to better our family.
How we grew up:
First thing that helped us was listening to personal development podcasts during the day, reading nonfictional books in the evenings, and reading Gods word in the mornings. By filling our minds with encouraging wisdom, we began to understand our power, responsibility, and the importance of the little things. Our favorite teachers are Dave Ramsey, Ange Peters, John Delony, Dr. Kathy Kotch, Abraham Hamilton the 3rd, and Henry Cloud. I will link their podcasts at the bottom.
The second thing that helped us was creating a financial plan. You can’t do much without money. Having an emergency fund changed our lives. Having a monthly budget helped us prioritize health and relationships over eating out and movies. It also, helped us practice honest communication with clarity and full understanding. With a financial plan you can’t make halfhearted or nonchalant comments and expect to succeed. Like Dave Ramsey says “adults device a plan and stick to it, but children do what feels good.”
The third thing that helped us was psychologically separating our family from our parent’s family. In our growing up culture parents are gods. You obey and you keep them happy. It is so important to have an honorable healthy relationship with parents, but parents are human too. Sometimes they are selfish. Sometimes they don’t understand. They aren’t laying in bed with you at night listening to you discus your hurts and your hopes. You must leave and cleave so that when the moment comes that you must grow out from under their branches in order to better yourself and your family you can do it confidently knowing you are doing the right thing.
The fourth step in our growth was realizing that everyone starts not knowing anything. We had this thought process where when we saw an opportunity we wouldn’t except it, because we had no experience or college degrees. What we have found though is that there isn’t a millionaire out there who was born fully versed in their field or profession. Everyone starts dumb and making mistakes, but if you learn and keep working at it you will become a professional. I really hate we thought so little of ourselves for so long. We just thought success and comfort was something you had to be born into. Now we know you can grow it. That is what we are doing now. We are taking opportunities and risks so that we can learn, grow, and become successful.
And the latest step in our growth was realizing that marriage is miserable unless you make it otherwise. You must make a point to have fun and to enjoy each other’s company. Most of our marriage when Aron wanted to do something fun he would invite friends to do it. That would be fine, but I would always end up taking care of kids, cooking and cleaning, and/or just being left out. This caused some serious bitterness. Now, we are doing more things by ourselves and when we do things with our friends or family Aron is making a point to include me. Sometimes that means hiring a babysitter, buying take out, or putting kids to bed early. By making this change we are being best friends again. This has helped in every area of our lives. You can communicate so much better when you’re not pissed off and feeling used.
I am so thankful for what we have learned and how far we have come. For some these things will seem silly. I am thankful for that too. I wouldn’t wish our struggles on anyone. To some all of this will make sense. I am saying a prayer for those relate with this journey.
Our favorite teachers:
